Today I have done a lot of thinking, praying, and trying to decide what my next step in my life is supposed to be. I am honestly not too sure. I started my weight-loss journey about 5 months ago. I have fallen off the wagon, got back on, fallen off again and again got back on more times than I can count but now there seems to be a change in me. I may not like going to the gym all the time but slowly my habits and priorities have been changing. When I'm thirsty, more often than not I grab my water bottle to drink and not that can of Pepsi that I used to love. Now Pepsi doesn't really appeal to me. Oh there are days that I crave Pepsi but I try and try to not cave in. When I'm frustrated or mad and feel like giving it all in - I head off to the gym and try to release my anger that way. Am I perfect? NOT BY A LONG SHOT.
From finally watching what I eat - or at least trying to - and working out regularly, I lost 9.5 lbs in a month - which is a little less than 2 lbs a week. I am in this clinic that is helping me loss weight and they are monitoring me medically, making sure everything is okay. Well I had an appointment on Thursday and they told me that on my next appointment if I continue with everything they will schedule me an appointment to meet with a surgeon that will preform one of three gastric bypass surgeries on me. Well at first I was very excited, but now reality is hitting me.
What will it be like? What will I become? Will I like who I become? Can I even go through with the surgery? Do I have such bad eating habits already that I will be screwed and die? Do I even want to be smaller? -Yes I do but how different will I look? Will I even be me after - inside and out? Will I turn into a Bi***? All these questions are running through my head and I don't know the answers to most of them and it is scaring me spitless.
I am at a loss......
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
American Sign Language
I can't believe it has been since December since I last wrote a blog. Oops! I guess I'm just going to have to get writing again. There has been some big changes in my life since December and one of them has been the passion that I have found in ASL.
Since December, I have moved out of my apartment into a townhouse, got a roommate - two actually, got a puppy, and took Level 1 and 2 in American Sign Language. In a little over two weeks I am going to be taking American Sign Language in an Immersion Course through the local Deaf Society here. I absolutely can't wait to take it. I want to become a sign language interpreter and this will help me. I have a few things right now on the go and that I have to deal with but I'm planning on taking level 3 in the fall and then hopefully moving on up to Level 4 right after that. After I am done level 4 and with my immersion course I will have about 125 hours of sign language instruction done and then to become an interpreter I think I have about 400 more hours to go. It seems like a lot but since I am only taking sign language in the evenings, it will take a bit longer than normal to get all my hours completed. The only thing is, I wish I had more people to sign to. I really want to practise and get good, and be able to have full conversations with people in ASL. Anyway.....
Since December, I have moved out of my apartment into a townhouse, got a roommate - two actually, got a puppy, and took Level 1 and 2 in American Sign Language. In a little over two weeks I am going to be taking American Sign Language in an Immersion Course through the local Deaf Society here. I absolutely can't wait to take it. I want to become a sign language interpreter and this will help me. I have a few things right now on the go and that I have to deal with but I'm planning on taking level 3 in the fall and then hopefully moving on up to Level 4 right after that. After I am done level 4 and with my immersion course I will have about 125 hours of sign language instruction done and then to become an interpreter I think I have about 400 more hours to go. It seems like a lot but since I am only taking sign language in the evenings, it will take a bit longer than normal to get all my hours completed. The only thing is, I wish I had more people to sign to. I really want to practise and get good, and be able to have full conversations with people in ASL. Anyway.....
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Christmas Trip '08
So I sit here typing on my laptop in some faceless town in some faceless state in the United States. Okay that isn't completely true. It isn't a faceless town - I'm currently in Eugene, Oregon. Home of the..... well I'm not too sure what it is the home of to be honest.
I have been on the road with my family now for a little under 2 weeks. It is starting to be two long long weeks. I love my family but car rides and the hotel rooms are all starting to look the same, smell the same, and I miss my apartment and the privacy that I have there. But on to the trip play-by-play.
We left Edmonton on Thursday, December 18 in the afternoon trying to beat the rush hour traffic and get a head start on driving since we knew that there would be a lot of driving coming up. Well since the weather made the roads all nice and slippery, it took us 4 -5 hours to get to Calgary instead of the usual under 3. Up early Friday morning and we picked up Shawn and we were off.
First minor issue to deal with - would the United States of America let us in to their wonderful country? I'm please to annouce - yes they will! It was a little bit of a concern because of Kid. Kid being a foster child and all we didn't know how the States would view that. We got all his paperwork and everything but you never know. First thing that I noticed about the States - Was GAS Prices. Wow!! Are they ever less than we pay in Canada. After conversion we haven't paid more than 50 cents a litre.
First stop - Great Falls, Montana. Drove, slept, got up early, and drove - nothing huge to report.
Second stop - Salt Lake City, Utah..... see above.... well actually the ride was a little interesting. There was a 31 car pile up in the I15. So they closed the road - understandable - but they didn't open the road until they cleared and moved EVERY single one of the those 31 cars - and then there may of been about 2 cm of snow on the highway, they had to get 2 snow plows to plow the snow and you couldn't go on the highway until it was done - and they salted the road and you had to leave time for that too. I understand the cars and everything but there was hardly any snow - maybe they should come to Canada....
Third stop - VEGAS BABY!!
The drive to Vegas from Salt Lake City was amazing. There were some rocks that was so cool, you were just driving along and the rocks were on either side of you - it was simply breathtaking. We arrived in Vegas and got to the hotel room at the Imperial Palace. Me and Shawn both took off to explore. I walked from the hotel to the Fashion Show Mall and went.... SHOPPING! Lots and lots of walking during my time in Vegas - but it was well worth it to see everything. I didn't get to see everything that I wanted to see mainly because I didn't have enough time but that's okay - just means I'll have to go back. I ended up paying the $12 to take the Monorail for as many times as I want in a 24 hour period - so that got me able to see more of Vegas than I would of by just walking - because of most of you know I'm a slow walker. Favourite part of Vegas - Bellagio fountains. Wlorst part - all the "canvessors" We were in Vegas for 2 nights so Tuesday morning we were off to our next adventure....
More to come.....soon
I have been on the road with my family now for a little under 2 weeks. It is starting to be two long long weeks. I love my family but car rides and the hotel rooms are all starting to look the same, smell the same, and I miss my apartment and the privacy that I have there. But on to the trip play-by-play.
We left Edmonton on Thursday, December 18 in the afternoon trying to beat the rush hour traffic and get a head start on driving since we knew that there would be a lot of driving coming up. Well since the weather made the roads all nice and slippery, it took us 4 -5 hours to get to Calgary instead of the usual under 3. Up early Friday morning and we picked up Shawn and we were off.
First minor issue to deal with - would the United States of America let us in to their wonderful country? I'm please to annouce - yes they will! It was a little bit of a concern because of Kid. Kid being a foster child and all we didn't know how the States would view that. We got all his paperwork and everything but you never know. First thing that I noticed about the States - Was GAS Prices. Wow!! Are they ever less than we pay in Canada. After conversion we haven't paid more than 50 cents a litre.
First stop - Great Falls, Montana. Drove, slept, got up early, and drove - nothing huge to report.
Second stop - Salt Lake City, Utah..... see above.... well actually the ride was a little interesting. There was a 31 car pile up in the I15. So they closed the road - understandable - but they didn't open the road until they cleared and moved EVERY single one of the those 31 cars - and then there may of been about 2 cm of snow on the highway, they had to get 2 snow plows to plow the snow and you couldn't go on the highway until it was done - and they salted the road and you had to leave time for that too. I understand the cars and everything but there was hardly any snow - maybe they should come to Canada....
Third stop - VEGAS BABY!!
The drive to Vegas from Salt Lake City was amazing. There were some rocks that was so cool, you were just driving along and the rocks were on either side of you - it was simply breathtaking. We arrived in Vegas and got to the hotel room at the Imperial Palace. Me and Shawn both took off to explore. I walked from the hotel to the Fashion Show Mall and went.... SHOPPING! Lots and lots of walking during my time in Vegas - but it was well worth it to see everything. I didn't get to see everything that I wanted to see mainly because I didn't have enough time but that's okay - just means I'll have to go back. I ended up paying the $12 to take the Monorail for as many times as I want in a 24 hour period - so that got me able to see more of Vegas than I would of by just walking - because of most of you know I'm a slow walker. Favourite part of Vegas - Bellagio fountains. Wlorst part - all the "canvessors" We were in Vegas for 2 nights so Tuesday morning we were off to our next adventure....
More to come.....soon
Thursday, November 27, 2008
November 27 and No Snow..... WHAT!?!?!?!?
So the title of my blog today pretty much says it all. It is Thursday, November 27 and there is no snow on the ground. This is Canada people!! Not to mention Edmonton! We get snow, we get more than our fair share of snow - we get piles of snow. But not this year - we have gotten one snow fall that really left some snow on the ground to play with and within 2 days it was pretty well gone. This upsets me. I love snow, I love winter, I love looking outside and seeing how pretty everything gets. I miss snow. Okay, I think I'm done rambling for today.
Monday, November 10, 2008
Walking Away
Me and a friend were having a deep conversation last night, why is it that people call themselves Christians but do everything of the world? The drinking, smoking, drugs, pre-martial sex... Everything that we were taught to abstain from, and people from Bible college that went and felt God and were moved by God just just married and have kids but go out every night? Where does this come from? Are we as christians so boring that we can't show people that you can still have fun but not having to readjust your standards? Where have we failed that we can't keep Christians to be on fire for God and not to have one foot on each side of the moral line?
On another note, I've really been struggling with a few things lately. I am not of average size, I'm not of normal size either - I have a few extra pounds (or hundred) pounds and I'm trying to find a bridemaid's dress - it isn't going so well. I am very self conscience of that fact and that I want to look super pretty but I don't want to have to search high and low for this dress and put my self-esteem through the masher at the same time. I'm okay with searching for the dress, if I knew where to start. Here's to hoping.
I also got into a fight with a friend - not really a fight fight just I snapped at her because I was having a bad day and now she won't talk to me. I mean I have apologized about 5 times now and she isn't talking to me still. That's fine - I guess but I'm sick of it. If we fight I am always the one that has to say sorry - she never does and today I just feel like telling her to grow up. Yes I screwed up but this silent treatment is getting old. She will deal with other people if they have a problem but I always get the silent treatment. Whatever.. I'm just sick of it. We are supposed to be friends - best ones at that - sure doesn't feel like it.
On another note, I've really been struggling with a few things lately. I am not of average size, I'm not of normal size either - I have a few extra pounds (or hundred) pounds and I'm trying to find a bridemaid's dress - it isn't going so well. I am very self conscience of that fact and that I want to look super pretty but I don't want to have to search high and low for this dress and put my self-esteem through the masher at the same time. I'm okay with searching for the dress, if I knew where to start. Here's to hoping.
I also got into a fight with a friend - not really a fight fight just I snapped at her because I was having a bad day and now she won't talk to me. I mean I have apologized about 5 times now and she isn't talking to me still. That's fine - I guess but I'm sick of it. If we fight I am always the one that has to say sorry - she never does and today I just feel like telling her to grow up. Yes I screwed up but this silent treatment is getting old. She will deal with other people if they have a problem but I always get the silent treatment. Whatever.. I'm just sick of it. We are supposed to be friends - best ones at that - sure doesn't feel like it.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
Writing
So I sit here wondering, where my life is going? Everything that I normally thoguht or felt or did seems to be crumbling around me. I have always, always, wanted to write a novel. A great fiction book that refects me and what I like to read - but my doubts and fears keep on preventing me. I also don't know where to start. I want to write in first person but almost all the books I read are in third person. Where to begin?
I know no one really reads this blog, but it is nice to hope eh?
Until next ramble........
I know no one really reads this blog, but it is nice to hope eh?
Until next ramble........
Friday, July 18, 2008
Readings By Me
I stole this from Cami Tang. She is a "new" amazing author, that I am really liking - new book (Single Sashimi) comes out in August!
1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading?
Grade 3 - My mum had just got me a few of the Nancy Drew books (hard cover of course!) and I started reading the very first one and I stayed up way past bedtime reading it, and I have had a book on me pretty much at all times every since - so a good 18 - 20 some odd years.
2. What are some books you read as a child?
The Nancy Drew Series, The Jenny McGrady series by Patricia Rushford - I absolutely LOVED this series. And The Forbidden Doors series by Bill Myers.
3. What is your favorite genre?
Lately it has been "chick lit" but I also love a good mystery as well.
4. Do you have a favorite novel?
Honestly, I think there are too many that I love to just pick one. A great/favourite novel to me is something that I can read over and over again, know exactly what happens and still want to read it. Normally I just read a book once or twice and stick it on my shelf. But one series that I absolutely love is "NCIS" by Mel Odom. The third book in the series was supposed to come out a little while ago but it was held back until January so I'm just going to have to wait.
5. Where do you usually read?
On my couch, or in bed.
6. When do you usually read?
If there is a lul at work (the benefits of working from home), Or if I'm picking up youth for church and they aren't ready yet I'll read in my car. So pretty much anywhere I can. Like I said I usually always have a book on me.
7. Do you usually have more than one book you are reading at a time?
I mainly don't, but if a book isn't working out for me, I'll put that one down and start a different one and come back to the one I put down, usually months later.
8. Do you read nonfiction in a different way or place than you read fiction?
Nope, but I feel bad to admit that I don't read a lot of non-fiction.
9. Do you buy most of the books you read, or borrow them, or check them out of the library?
I buy most, if not all, of them. I like being able to read them and then go back to re-read them anytime I want.
10. Do you keep most of the books you buy? If not, what do you do with them?
I keep all the books that I buy, but I lend them out of different people so they can enjoy them too. I love having a collection of books.
11. If you have children, what are some of the favorite books you have shared with them?
No kids.
12. What are you reading now?
Right now, I'm reading "By Reason of Insanity" by Randy Singer.
13. Do you keep a TBR (to be read) list?
I do..... usually it is some of the books that I couldn't get into quite yet so I've put them down to come back to or it is my list of new books by some of my favourite authors.
14. What’s next?
"Finding Stephanie" by Susan May Warren, "Love Starts With Elle" by Rachel Hauck, "Single Sashimi" by Cami Tang, and "Faking Grace" by Tamara Leigh
15. What books would you like to reread?
Anything by Dee Henderson is always a good reread. There are so many more but that is the one author that really sticks out right now.
16. Who are your favorite authors?
Dee Henderson
Camy Tang
Susan May Warren
Mel Odom
Randy Singer
Tamara Leigh
Rachel Hauck
Siri Mitchell
Karen Kingbury
Bill Myers
That is all I can think of, I know as soon as I hit post, I'll think of more!
Your turn!
Do this on your blog and leave a link in the comments!
1. Do you remember how you developed a love for reading?
Grade 3 - My mum had just got me a few of the Nancy Drew books (hard cover of course!) and I started reading the very first one and I stayed up way past bedtime reading it, and I have had a book on me pretty much at all times every since - so a good 18 - 20 some odd years.
2. What are some books you read as a child?
The Nancy Drew Series, The Jenny McGrady series by Patricia Rushford - I absolutely LOVED this series. And The Forbidden Doors series by Bill Myers.
3. What is your favorite genre?
Lately it has been "chick lit" but I also love a good mystery as well.
4. Do you have a favorite novel?
Honestly, I think there are too many that I love to just pick one. A great/favourite novel to me is something that I can read over and over again, know exactly what happens and still want to read it. Normally I just read a book once or twice and stick it on my shelf. But one series that I absolutely love is "NCIS" by Mel Odom. The third book in the series was supposed to come out a little while ago but it was held back until January so I'm just going to have to wait.
5. Where do you usually read?
On my couch, or in bed.
6. When do you usually read?
If there is a lul at work (the benefits of working from home), Or if I'm picking up youth for church and they aren't ready yet I'll read in my car. So pretty much anywhere I can. Like I said I usually always have a book on me.
7. Do you usually have more than one book you are reading at a time?
I mainly don't, but if a book isn't working out for me, I'll put that one down and start a different one and come back to the one I put down, usually months later.
8. Do you read nonfiction in a different way or place than you read fiction?
Nope, but I feel bad to admit that I don't read a lot of non-fiction.
9. Do you buy most of the books you read, or borrow them, or check them out of the library?
I buy most, if not all, of them. I like being able to read them and then go back to re-read them anytime I want.
10. Do you keep most of the books you buy? If not, what do you do with them?
I keep all the books that I buy, but I lend them out of different people so they can enjoy them too. I love having a collection of books.
11. If you have children, what are some of the favorite books you have shared with them?
No kids.
12. What are you reading now?
Right now, I'm reading "By Reason of Insanity" by Randy Singer.
13. Do you keep a TBR (to be read) list?
I do..... usually it is some of the books that I couldn't get into quite yet so I've put them down to come back to or it is my list of new books by some of my favourite authors.
14. What’s next?
"Finding Stephanie" by Susan May Warren, "Love Starts With Elle" by Rachel Hauck, "Single Sashimi" by Cami Tang, and "Faking Grace" by Tamara Leigh
15. What books would you like to reread?
Anything by Dee Henderson is always a good reread. There are so many more but that is the one author that really sticks out right now.
16. Who are your favorite authors?
Dee Henderson
Camy Tang
Susan May Warren
Mel Odom
Randy Singer
Tamara Leigh
Rachel Hauck
Siri Mitchell
Karen Kingbury
Bill Myers
That is all I can think of, I know as soon as I hit post, I'll think of more!
Your turn!
Do this on your blog and leave a link in the comments!
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